I Was Never Yours - Episode 11
12-09-25 (17:35)
Is it possible to want something badly yet know that it
could wreak havoc in your life? By allowing Noah to
take me home with him, surely I was opening the
door to hell. So why wasn't that stopping me? Why did
every pore in my body tingle as he held my hand?
Why was my mind constantly going back to how
wonderful it had felt to be in his arms? These questions
needed to be answered but I wasn't the one who
could answer them.
We stopped in front of an achingly familiar building. A
row of similar-looking Brooklyn houses with doors
painted the same mahogany brown. This place used to
be like a home away from home. Whenever I'd get
tired of the world of the Upper East Siders, I'd come
here; it was my refuge. Things had changed drastically
though because now what lay behind those doors was
scaring the living daylights out of me. How could I face
Noah's mom, a woman who considered me no less of
a daughter than Lexie? How was I going to face
Noah's dad, the person who taught me everything I
knew about sports, who became much more of a
father to me than my own had been? Lexie... I didn't
even want to go there. She hated me, of course she
hated me, why wouldn't she? To her I was the bitch
who'd so mercilessly broken her brother's heart. I had
reached a point beyond redemption but for now it
didn't seem to matter. All I cared about was making
this boy standing right next to me realize that I'd never
hurt him on purpose.
Noah unlocked his door and led us inside. My heart
thumped painfully in my chest as I took in my
surroundings. It was still the same, everything was still
the same. Compared to the bare minimal style of
Zach's house, Noah's showed it was truly a home. We
walked across the living room and as I looked around I
realized how much I'd missed this place. A cozy fire
was lit in the fireplace with worn-out rugs strewn all
over the carpeted floor. A large couch sat in the middle
of the room which sagged in the middle from being
used too much. The big-screen TV was the most
extravagant thing they owned or actually wanted to
own. Noah's parents were both doctors and were well
off but wanted to stay grounded. They could've moved
out of this house ages ago but chose to raise their
children in the place where' they themselves had
grown up.
"Ari, are you coming?" Noah asked as he stood
halfway up the stairs. I hadn't realized that I'd stopped
midway and had been staring like an idiot at the
inanimate objects around me. I nodded my head and
quickly wiped away the tears and allowed Noah to
lead me upstairs. It was strange, I thought to myself
as I walked behind him, how we were acting like
nothing was wrong. In the several times I'd conjured
up this scenario, a lot of screaming and shouting had
been involved. It irked me to see how calm he was,
when I was literally falling apart at the seams. Did he
know? If he did then he was being uncharacteristically
calm and if he didn't know then I was in for one hell
of a confrontation.
The door to his room opened and I stood at the
threshold, barely daring to step in. The rest I could
handle but his room... There were too many memories
and they were a constant reminder of how badly
things had gone wrong. He entered the room and
immediately my mind began recollecting all the times
when a similar picture had formed before my eyes.
Noah and I doing homework together, Noah bringing
me to meet his parents for the first time, Noah and I
getting drunk and stumbling in together, spending
nights at his house, waking up to see his gorgeous
face inches from mine. It tore at me how I had made
such a hasty decision without sparing a second thought
to this guy who had loved me with all his heart.
"Ari..." Noah said softly and I snapped out of memory
lane. He was looking at me expectantly as I stood
foolishly outside his room. I walked in quickly but felt
oddly out of place. I resisted the urge to run because
he deserved better. A feeling of dread and anxiousness
settled in the pit of my stomach. Did he know? Did he
not know? How would he react...?
I sat down on the old couch in the corner of his room,
a spot almost alien to me. I usually made myself at
home in his bed and pushed him out. I'd never felt so,
so awkward being with him and the feeling wasn't
one I liked. Don't forget to leave a Comment 
